March 2018: More Trivia Questions
Hello, Internet! Cole here. Last year, I wrote a brief article in which I responded to a few trivia questions – nothing too special, just an interesting way to show off my views of the world and have fun in the process. This month, I’m going to do the same thing, because as we all know most major publications rely at least in part on creating similarly-themed content for long periods of time.
What is Satan’s Last Name?
The Catholic Church does not have a canonical last name for Satan, but that’s just because the pope actually is Satan in disguise (as predicted by Acts 300:19 (KJV only)). His full name, in truth, is Bosephus Lucifer “Satan” Ogilvie, which explains why he tries so hard to hide it.
In Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather Macaroni?
This question has been debated for the past three centuries. Proponents of the “Horse Macaroni” theory claim that the name “Macaroni” is more fitting of a horse than a feather, and proponents of the “Feather Macaroni” theory cite the name’s proximity to the feather and association with the previous clause. The debate was finally resolved in 1964, and most historians now agree that the name “Macaroni” actually refers to the town Yankee Doodle went to in the first verse.
Why do they sterilize lethal injections?
It’s not a question of killing the criminal, obviously – the injection, if properly administered, will do that on its own. No, the real problem arises when the criminal does not stay dead. The bacteria in the stomach, you see, outnumber a human’s own cells, and if the right kind of microbiome forms those bacteria could invade the brain stem and form a “sub-host tumor” that controls the corpse. The injections are therefore sterilized to prevent zombification of the victim. This may sound like a bit of an outlandish explanation, but my friend says that his friend worked for the government and actually saw this happen firsthand, so I’m about 62% sure it’s accurate.
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
The relationship between “dirt poor” and “filthy rich” is one of class divide – something that society has struggled with since its birth. The poor people of the world do not have as much money or tradable resources as the rich. As such, they cannot afford the high-quality filth that the rich possess and must use dirt as a cheaper substitute. However, dirt is less effective and less permanent than filth, and so the poor must keep replenishing their dirt stock instead of investing in money. Such is the tragic state of the proletariat.
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat-food?
The problem is one of supply. Due to some unfathomable error in the free market, farmers raise almost exclusively conventional livestock – cows, pigs, goats, et cetera – with no heed to the notion of mouse-farming. This atrocious gap of demand is only fulfilled by laboratories who almost exclusively use the mice for silly things like animal research. If you ask me, this is an unacceptable state of affairs – why should we keep these poor creatures trapped by the whims of uncaring scientists when we can shelter them in our pets’ mouths instead? Utterly cruel, this.
That’s enough questions for now. If I answer too many at once, my brain might become big enough to explode my cranium, so I’d better stop for my own safety. If you have any actual, normal-person questions – or even if you don’t – write them down in the comments and I might respond to them. Thanks for reading, Internet, and I’ll be seeing ya’!
Cole is our young adult monthly contributor. He is an incredible asset to all of us. He is in the IT program in Henrico County, has Asperger’s and is also an animal whisperer.