This post is not a “pity me” post; it is an observation and thoughts on paper. A checkmark on the life I choose to live.
I use to get invitations to do things with friends on a regular basis. I have many “circles” of friends, from all walks of life and I value each of them. All of them find a way to fill my heart. Some have a longer history, some I share more stories with and some I may know for less time, but most “get” me and the path I follow.
My point to all of this is to share, I say no a lot, well, actually, I say I don’ t know, or maybe, a lot. I may struggle with saying the word no in this situation. I have a moment that I feel it all sounds fun, that I think I “need” to do this and it will be great to get out. That moment passes pretty quickly and I realize that I want to be on my couch, I do not want to be social and do not want to make any effort. I need to not talk and not take care of anyone for a little bit.
I support my decisions to have not attended, but yet, I am aware that the invites are less frequent and that I felt a little sting. I had to really think about why it hurt me. It is not that I regret my choice, but maybe that I have insulted or hurt someone’s feelings by not showing up and that my friendship is being weighed by what I may not do versus what I can do. I am a pleaser by nature. I love to help, to offer input and to make other’s feel better. BUT, at the end of the day, I also want to be understood enough to have those in my circles realize that my attendance does not equal the value of who I am and what I can bring to the table.
In this coming year, the thing I will change is my ability to say no up front and to realize that those that cannot appreciate me for who I am and what I can offer, will be missing out on the friend that I am.
Our lives can be complicated and are days can be tough. We need to embrace those that lift us up and offer us the comforts that we give daily.