Autism time! So this one requires a disclaimer. A lesson I’ve always tried to teach my daughter is “what’s the intention?” When someone says something hurtful, before you get mad or retaliate, examine the intent. 99% of autism responses are well-meaning! BUT, they might not feel that way to a parent. So here goes. When you’re asking someone that you don’t know well, how many kids they have? They respond 2, oh what are the ages? 22 and 20! *Here comes the specifics* -Daughter is oldest, working and schooling and youngest is 20. Where does he go to school? Is he working? Me: He has autism, but he’s living his best life. Now here’s the typical response: awwwww I’m sorry. Now I know there’s no ill-intention here. I know this, but it feels icky. It feels this way because, like most parents, I love the shit out of my kid and even though autism is an SOB and I wish he didn’t have to deal with some of the co-conditions and limitations that he does, I’m not one bit sorry he’s here. He is love and he is light and he is wonderful!! So I have some responses that will feel better to parents once they declare the big A.
1) Oh, well tell me a little about him
2) Well hopefully I’ll get to meet him and you can let me know the best way to chat with him.
3) I’m sure he’s as handsome as his mother. (My personal fav)
4) I hope I get the opportunity to meet him.
5) This is also a great opportunity to share your personal friends or family members that you love with Autism.
6) I’m sure it’s a challenge, but I’m sure he/she brings you great joy too!
7) What does he/she like to do??
Those are just a few!
I think you get the point! We aren’t looking for sympathy. We want your understanding, your acknowledgement, inclusion and kindness. Thank you very much!
Lisa Ann Peters is an incredible momma bear and we are so thankful for her writing and shares!