Today you turn 17. I cannot believe it. I truly do not know how the time has gone by so quickly. I also wish with all my might that I could slow it all down. The future scares me. I don’t think it scares you, you continue to live with the ability to love, be honest and see the beauty in all around us.
I remember so many moments when you were young where I would stare into your eyes and wonder. I would Hope. I would Pray. I would Smile. Sometimes, I would even cry. I did not know what the road ahead would consist of, BUT, I knew I was going to be the best momma I could be.
Your victories are still always celebrated a little bit more, as many of them take so much hard work from you. We all admire your perseverance and your courage. In this journey, there were so many times that I believed if I did more or tried more, that I could make this “better”. That I could single handedly “make autism go away”. It is amazing how a momma’s imagination and determination can take over sometimes.
You have made me so strong. Thank you for showing me how to stand up for what is right. Thank you for showing me how to work for something we believe in, and many times, without knowing how to. Thank you for showing me and all around us, what really matters.
In thinking back on these last 17 years, so many of my memories, have you dancing. You have such a connection to music and I hope that alway continues. Your spirit is contagious.
I remember the Thanksgiving that you actually ate turkey & pilaf for the first time, you’d have thought we won the lotto. You just don’t understand the joy in your child eating typical food, until you have a child that doesn’t. These victories are some of our greatest moments.
I remember you playing dad’s drums, with more rhythm than I could ever have, and thinking about all the locked potential in you that is just waiting to get out.
I remember so many nights where I’d watch you when you finally fell sleep and just lie next to you and smell you. I would whisper in your ear and tell you how loved you were.
I love that you still hold my hand when we are out. I love that you see the shapes of clouds and that the mountains make you happy.
I’ve explained what I know about autism to people much smarter than I am, and I will continue to. I bite my tongue less when I hear ignorant comments and I will always hold hope for the goals you have yet to reach.
Some days autism takes up more space in our lives than others. It may be that others are staring, or maybe I felt judgement from someone. It could be that I have no idea how to handle a situation and feel overwhelmed. All of that can consume my being, but then there are the days that shine, the days that I can feel support, days that you seem so much more present and maybe even a few hours where I forget that autism is here! Either way, you are loved and you are safe and as a family, we will travel this road together.
I wish for you to be able to share your thoughts and stand up for what you want.
I wish for the world to see your potential .
I wish that a friend finds you and sees the joy you bring to everything.
To the moon and back — that is how far I will travel for you. I believe in you Marky and I will continue to fight for your best life!
You are such a gift and we celebrate you today and every day. Thank you for including me in your absolutely beautiful world.
Happy Birthday To You .