Hello, Internet! Cole here. I’m finishing school as strongly as I can with what little willpower I still have, visiting the gym in my spare time, and generally trying to tune out my constant displeasure with the world. Nothing noteworthy has happened, so I’m going to answer some more silly questions because why not? After all, a whole three people commented on my last one, so this one should also do well, right? …whatever. Okay, here we go.
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
Unlike most mammals, cows do not store their milk in breasts. Instead, they hold it inside a single mass known as the udder. Here’s how milk extraction works:
1: An entity, such as a baby cow or a human, requests milk by pulling on one of the four bulbous “tassels” beneath the udder.
2: The pulling activates a group of cells called “Jeremy Cells”.
3: The Jeremy Cells go to their tiny refrigerators, pull out as many tiny milk cartons as they can, and pour out the milk into the tassels.
4: The entity receives the milk at the other end of the tassels. The Jeremy Cells go back into their little beds and cry softly as they realize what their lives have become.
As you can see, the milk inside the cow is in fact refrigerated; as such, it does not go bad.
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?
If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
Is- Is that a pun?! …My god. I can’t beelieve you’ve done this. Buzz off.
Whose cruel idea was it to put an ‘s’ in the word “lisp”?
The word was invented by the vocally-impaired linguist Thamuel Lithp. He named it after himself, but his coworkers, familiar with his hereditary condition, accidentally “translated” it into its current form, and by the time they realized the mistake it was already in the books. As such, people with a lithp are actually the most accurate in its proper pronunciation. The question, in fact, should be “Whose cruel idea was it to put an ‘s’ in the word “lithp”?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?
Well, I know a word that is misspelled in the dictionary.
I also know a word that is spelled incorrectly in the dictionary.
Seriously, though, if a dictionary editor thinks that a word is misspelled, he or she has to go through a bureaucratic process. First, the editor assembles a WORD (Word Ontology Review Discussion) with the other editors to verify the claim by examining the other spellings of the word. If they come across sufficient dispute about the proper spelling, they hire a STRAPPING LAD and an ANNOYING SIDEKICK to go on a MYSTICAL QUEST to Greece and Italy (since many Germanic words originate from Greek or Latin roots). Should the STRAPPING LAD and ANNOYING SIDEKICK fail to discover the TRUE SPELLING, the WORD must resort to its last resort: accepting that some people spell the word one way and others spell it another way, like with Color/Colour. After resolving the issue, all members of the WORD enjoy a tasty WORD salad together.
Anyway, that’s it for now. The annual Autism 5K just happened, so I should be able to write actual content for my next article. For now, I hope you enjoy this bit of fluff. Thanks for reading, Internet, and I’ll be seeing ya’!
Cole is our young adult monthly contributor. He is an incredible asset to all of us. He is in the IT program in Henrico County, has Asperger’s and is also an animal whisperer.